Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Texting While Dumb

This is a post I did when I was a guest over at Can U Relate? in November. Some of you may have read it already, but that doesn't stop it from being a good read. Read it again. You  know you want to. It'll make you feel good. 

That's me being subliminal. The reason I'm semi-reposting is that I'm tired as hell. In the interest of not acquiring LADLE, I decided to shovel some snow this morning. My other interest was in not assaulting my kids. They've been home for five days now; that's the weekend, two days for Professional Dicking Off Development, and one snow day. I love my children (95% of the time), but too much of a good thing is not such a good thing. Look at me and Cuervo. See?

Thank you, Semi True Torystellar, if I haven't said it already, for letting me stomp your yard. That sounds vaguely sexual, doesn't it? Insert an inappropriate, yet funny joke here and we'll move on.

It's difficult to know what to write when called upon to guest blog for someone. Several things need to be taken into consideration. You have to consider what type of readers their blog has. Are they the sensitive, religious sort or are they heavy drinking party people? Or somewhere in between? What does one write as a guest blog post, anyway? I know what I write on A Bitch Called Mom, but is it appropriate for Can U Relate? Will Semi True Torystellar's readers like me or will they pelt me with stones for not being as wonderful and witty as she? Will they identify with what I have to say or will they shake their heads and wonder why I've wasted three minutes of their lives?

Fuck it. I gotta be me. If you don't like it, don't complain to me. This ain't my blog.

In keeping with the basic format of my own blog, I shall do what I do best: bitch. Not only will I bitch, but I will bitch about one of my favorite subjects. Drum roll, please...dumbasses.

Have you noticed lately that people appear to be getting dumber? With all this wonderful technology, with more people attending college, with slavery being abolished over 200 years ago, with women having had the right to vote since 1920, you would think that we would be rising. As a nation, as a society, as a whole. Instead we're falling. Then we get back up and fall again. Okay, so slavery and women's rights have little to do with this particular bitchfest, but roll with it.

Take texting for instance.

Calm the fuck down, I'm not about to bash texting. I, for one, don't like to have actual contact with people if at all possible. I love texting because that way people don't keep me occupied for hours with their annoying ass problems. If I could text sex in, my husband would get it way more often than he does now. Actually, if I took my cues from teenage girls, I guess I could text in sex. But I have a headache, so maybe tomorrow.

I get that it is easier and faster to type
idk y ur getn on my fukn nervs stop plz b4 i prk my fut up ur ass
rather than
I don't know why you're getting on my fucking nerves. Stop please, before I park my foot up your ass.

It's succinct, streamlined, expeditious. I appreciate quick answers because I have too much shit to do and not nearly enough time to do it. Gt 2 the fukn pt alredy.

This is what I've been seeing a lot on Facebook lately:

I Aint Gon ' Lieee , Yuh Lorr Butt Beh Loud As Ah Motha - Eff ' Err


Gettinqq Hair Donee Todayy . Permm Is Callinnqq My Name Wooohhh Childdd , Lmboooo ! Noww I Gottaa Waitt For My Movah Too Cum Home ! Listen To Nicki Nd Customizinq Piksss ! Hmu !

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the whole point of the texting/IMing thing was that you could type in less letters and still have people understand what you're trying to say. As you can see from my examples above, and hell no I did not make them up, we're apparently now supposed to use text misspellings with additional letters added at the end. WTBFF? (nobody was brave enough to ask what this meant in the original post, so I'll tell you now. What The Bloody Flying Fuck. Genius, I know.)

I don't understand why, if you have the inclination to type in additional letters, can't you just type in the correct spelling of the original word? Why does it seem like people are using texting as an excuse to be stupid?

If you're a poor, stupid shlub who can't spell, that's fine. We laugh at you behind your back, but we understand. Anyone who's ever had a brain fart and forgotten how to spell a simple word like "been" or "is" or something like that understands. If you're stuck in forever text mode and have a tendency to use text language in your emails to your boss, that's fine. You may not have a job for long, but we get it. But if you're an unpleasant combination of the two who also writessss innnn snakeeeee languageeee, I have a fucking problem. And if I have a problem, other people have to listen to me bitch about it.

Please do the world a favor and save it from my bitching. I think that's something we could all be thankful for.

To review, let's see what we've learned today:
1. stupid people chap my ass
2. I'm a bitch
3. I don't give a fuck doesn't like it


P.S. Please like me. I need friends.


  1. It's about time someone said it! I have never understood why people do this.

  2. I can deal w/ Acronyms and Abbreviations, but want to punch people who spell words wrong on purpose. I really get knots in my stomach when I see stuff like that! They drive me to drink LOL

  3. Your blog kicks ass! Your fuckin hilarious...At 1st i thought we were gonna have problems cuz i thought you were gonna have an issue with txting, but i think i get you now.

    I'm gonna follow you cuz im hoping your future posts will be this awesome. You should check out my blog It's a comedy blog (im a comedian) my recent posts include: Nudity as a problem solver, violence as a problem solver, and why pandas are evil!

    check it out!!

  4. i hate when people do that on my facebook too... first i don't know what the hell they are saying, and 2 makes them sound really stupid. geez.

  5. that's how my neice's texts and facebook wall look. it's so fucking ugly and makes me think she's slightly braindead.

  6. And we wonder why people can't spell correctly anymore. Now we no Y.

  7. This is great I totally agree, I've been wondering what the fuck the extra letters are all about that I see on facebook. I just don't get the point.

  8. I'll always be your friend...until you piss me off or you hubby finds out :-)

  9. Just as good the second time around! And I'm with you when it comes to stupid f*cktards getting on my nerves. Can't we send all those jackarses off to some island and then pray that it sinks? Just a thought...

  10. WTBFF - i'm so gonna start using that all the time ^_^

  11. OT- I thought you might. We have a mutual disgust for stupid.

    Hannah- They do it because they're dumbasses. They can't help it.

    Bird- I'm drinking right now. Not because of this, but still.

    Jared- I would never bash texting. It's my primary form of communication. I will definitely check out your blog.

    Amber- Right! If I have to spend five minutes trying to figure out what your FB status says, I delete you.

    Lucky- I have a young cousin who does this. She's far from stupid and that fact pisses me off even more.

    OMS- Exactly! That's why I spell out full words when I text my kids. I don't want them to forget how to spell.

    Catrina- Neither do I. The one I hate most is 'meh'. WTF? 'Me' only has two letters!

    Dad- That doesn't exactly fill me with confidence seeing how I piss people off daily. You're just gonna have to develop thicker skin. :P

    Empress- Good idea and we can lure them there under false pretenses. It'll work...they're stupid.

    Lovkyne- Good! I've started a new trend, then. I rock.

  12. lol....don't think I'm going to get the hang of texting language any time soon...

  13. I'm officially in love with you already.

  14. i have not laughed this hard while reading a blog post in a looooong time. funny as hell. you are sooo gonna be followed by me. maybe to the extent of blog stalking. funny. as. hell.

  15. i think this is the first post i read of yours...

    still love it and you!

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  16. Caterpillar- every time you think you've learned it, they change it again.

    Nerd Girl- Stalk away, honey! And welcome!

    Barb- Good cuz I don't want you to. :)

    Bruce- Love ya back, hon!

  17. Most people in a population (Average of 68%) are small minded dullards who are satisfied with the pre-digested mediocrity that's shoved down their throats. In each population, a small minority strive to look past what's beyond their reach.

    Most populations are comprised of idiots. They vote for idiots, they only do what the current media propoganda tells them to do, and they don't bother to research the facts and make informed decisions for themselves.

    They get to a point where what they know, or what they can do, is enough for them, and think it ought to be enough for anyone else.
    Their willful stupidity causes them to hate those who are not ignorant or who are informed. Non-ignorant people raise the bar for them, causing them stress and causing them to be confused because they might have to think more than they are used to thinking.

    Intelligence agencies and religions can brainwash any average member of the public in 5 days or less. Studies show that each year of college one attends equals one additional week of brainwashing the spy agencies, religion, ad campaign, political party, etc. needs to undertake. Thus, the smarter one is, the harder it is get spoon-feed the agenda of others.

    Rural communities, like the Deep South, have limited education facilities and limited social motivation to move beyond ignorance. These regions breed generation after generation of ignorant families. The music they surround themselves with uses the most ignorant forms of the language ("ain't", Y'all", etc.) and gutteral vocalizations (nasalization, drawl, etc.) in order to celebrate and reinforce ignorance and create a protective bubble around themselves in order to avoid the recognition of their intentional "dumbness" by the outside world.

    Fear-mongering appeals to dumb people because they are only in touch with their most primal, superficial emotions. The media pundit fear-mongering causes self-justified hate that feels satisfying to them. They love violent contact sports for the same reasons.

    That is the problem with society.

  18. "Snake language": now that's funny shit. I'm thinking about the snake from Jungle Book with the hypnotic eyes.

  19. Fuck is my favorite word and I feel you!

  20. WTBFF....Now I know. I was dying to know but I wasn't going to ask. Brilliant indeed. However I wonder how good the abbreviations are if no one knows what they stand for. *lol*

    You know how much I adore you and you can stomp my yard, mow my lawn or play rugby there. I don't mind a bit. Oh and check your email. I'm having an inspired idea that I've been kicking around for a few days.


Bitch with me, will you?