Texting While Dumb

This is a post I did when I was a guest over at Can U Relate? in November. Some of you may have read it already, but that doesn't stop it from being a good read. Read it again. You  know you want to. It'll make you feel good. 


That's me being subliminal. The reason I'm semi-reposting is that I'm tired as hell. In the interest of not acquiring LADLE, I decided to shovel some snow this morning. My other interest was in not assaulting my kids. They've been home for five days now; that's the weekend, two days for Professional Dicking Off Development, and one snow day. I love my children (95% of the time), but too much of a good thing is not such a good thing. Look at me and Cuervo. See?


Thank you, Semi True Torystellar, if I haven't said it already, for letting me stomp your yard. That sounds vaguely sexual, doesn't it? Insert an inappropriate, yet funny joke here and we'll move on.


It's difficult to know what to write when called upon to guest blog for someone. Several things need to be taken into consideration. You have to consider what type of readers their blog has. Are they the sensitive, religious sort or are they heavy drinking party people? Or somewhere in between? What does one write as a guest blog post, anyway? I know what I write on A Bitch Called Mom, but is it appropriate for Can U Relate? Will Semi True Torystellar's readers like me or will they pelt me with stones for not being as wonderful and witty as she? Will they identify with what I have to say or will they shake their heads and wonder why I've wasted three minutes of their lives?

Fuck it. I gotta be me. If you don't like it, don't complain to me. This ain't my blog.

In keeping with the basic format of my own blog, I shall do what I do best: bitch. Not only will I bitch, but I will bitch about one of my favorite subjects. Drum roll, please...dumbasses.

Have you noticed lately that people appear to be getting dumber? With all this wonderful technology, with more people attending college, with slavery being abolished over 200 years ago, with women having had the right to vote since 1920, you would think that we would be rising. As a nation, as a society, as a whole. Instead we're falling. Then we get back up and fall again. Okay, so slavery and women's rights have little to do with this particular bitchfest, but roll with it.

Take texting for instance.



Calm the fuck down, I'm not about to bash texting. I, for one, don't like to have actual contact with people if at all possible. I love texting because that way people don't keep me occupied for hours with their annoying ass problems. If I could text sex in, my husband would get it way more often than he does now. Actually, if I took my cues from teenage girls, I guess I could text in sex. But I have a headache, so maybe tomorrow.

I get that it is easier and faster to type
idk y ur getn on my fukn nervs stop plz b4 i prk my fut up ur ass
rather than
I don't know why you're getting on my fucking nerves. Stop please, before I park my foot up your ass.

It's succinct, streamlined, expeditious. I appreciate quick answers because I have too much shit to do and not nearly enough time to do it. Gt 2 the fukn pt alredy.

This is what I've been seeing a lot on Facebook lately:

I Aint Gon ' Lieee , Yuh Lorr Butt Beh Loud As Ah Motha - Eff ' Err

And 

Gettinqq Hair Donee Todayy . Permm Is Callinnqq My Name Wooohhh Childdd , Lmboooo ! Noww I Gottaa Waitt For My Movah Too Cum Home ! Listen To Nicki Nd Customizinq Piksss ! Hmu !

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the whole point of the texting/IMing thing was that you could type in less letters and still have people understand what you're trying to say. As you can see from my examples above, and hell no I did not make them up, we're apparently now supposed to use text misspellings with additional letters added at the end. WTBFF? (nobody was brave enough to ask what this meant in the original post, so I'll tell you now. What The Bloody Flying Fuck. Genius, I know.)

I don't understand why, if you have the inclination to type in additional letters, can't you just type in the correct spelling of the original word? Why does it seem like people are using texting as an excuse to be stupid?

If you're a poor, stupid shlub who can't spell, that's fine. We laugh at you behind your back, but we understand. Anyone who's ever had a brain fart and forgotten how to spell a simple word like "been" or "is" or something like that understands. If you're stuck in forever text mode and have a tendency to use text language in your emails to your boss, that's fine. You may not have a job for long, but we get it. But if you're an unpleasant combination of the two who also writessss innnn snakeeeee languageeee, I have a fucking problem. And if I have a problem, other people have to listen to me bitch about it.

Please do the world a favor and save it from my bitching. I think that's something we could all be thankful for.

To review, let's see what we've learned today:

1. stupid people chap my ass

2. I'm a bitch

3. I don't give a fuck doesn't like it

Amen.

P.S. Please like me. I need friends.