Monday, March 7, 2011

Wasted Bitch Writing

So.....I want to apologize in advance because this is a drunk ass post by a pissed off wife and mother of four fucking children. Four. Did y'all know I had four fucking kids? How the fuck did that happen? I didn't even want any damned kids. If you get nothing from this intoxicated post, please tell your daughters not to let charming mother fuckers talk them into shit they never wanted to do.

Anyway, I'm getting white boy wasted (sorry, it's hard to distinguish what's racist and what's not when you're drunk. I get it now, Charlie Sheen) all by my fucking self because my "husband" decided that it would be more fun for him to get wasted with his friends/brothers/all the cops in any major city EVER than to commiserate with his wife at home over the fact that BOTH of our teenagers are failing classes. Fuck'em. Fuck him. Fuck all their asses.

Okay, I'll admit I'm a borderline alki, but before 8:30 PM (bedtime for my youngest two), I'm fucking Supermom. I don't even think about Jose (Cuervo) before then because that's just how fucking awesome a mom I am. I delay my sorrow drowning personal gratification to make sure my kids are taken care of. If that's not supermom, I don't know what is.

I started this blog because I was PMSing and didn't feel like fucking being nice and shit like I do on my other blog. That was the goddamn point. So, tonight is a bad night. It's a PMS night. It's a PMDD night. Which is why I needed the alcohol. Truth be told, it started last night, but that's neither here nor there.

I can't really remember what the point is, exactly. That's the price you pay after your fifth lemon drop, but I DO fucking remember that my husband is an asshole. That's right. I said it! You're an asshole, sweetheart.

He is the kind of person that likes to have the whole world thinking that everything is peachy when, in fact, it's quite shitty. That's why I'm posting this. Why the fuck should I be the only pissed off bitch in this relationship tonight? Rut roh, Shaggy! The world now knows that you're not perfect. How will you ever survive?

You know? I couldn't possibly give less of a fuck than I do right now. Maybe you'll still love my psycho ass tomorrow, maybe you won't. Right now, guess what?

I don't give a fuck.

What's that I spy? An empty shot glass? That's not right.

See ya when I see ya!

33 comments:

  1. Hmm if I lived closer we could play quarters and get trashed and say fuck a lot.

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  2. Aw, man! That would be fucking awesome! That's it! I'm moving to Texas. Fuck these Baltimore bitches.

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  3. No problem, we can always use another person with a good vocabulary down here.

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  4. at least you get toasted and rant-Oilfield somehow convinced me to get tanked and take a naked photo of myself wrapped in a Canadian flag and post it on my blog! haha. I'm in PA...can't we all meet in the middle somewhere for drinks!?

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  5. Jewels, I feel duped. I saw no Canadian flag-wrapped hotties on your blog. That's ok, following you anyway...but still waiting. OT, keep me posted.

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  6. You are SUCH a good mom! I walk IN the house after work, with my kid in tow and pop open a brew just to take the edge off of the day. I don't even bother waiting till he goes to bed. Shit, you deserve the MOTHER of the YEAR Award in my book! And BTW - hubster asked for that dousing...shame on him!

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  7. here you go, sweets. http://www.jewelsturning30.com/2010/12/gift-for-you-my-gems.html

    now you can't you didn't see it.

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  8. I never wanted kids either and ended up with five. No clue how the fuck that happened either! Well I mean, I DO know how it happened, but still!
    I honestly believe that it's a man thing to act like things are all wine and roses when they are, in fact, cheap beer and shit. I suppose they figure the woman will take care of it, like we always do.

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  9. Ruh roh! Hubby is in the doghouse, but he totally deserves it. Whyizzit that men think it's okay to leave when there's non-physical work to be done? Running away from the problem will not solve it, but he will figure that out when he gets back. In a big way.

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  10. Moving to Texas from Maryland? That's definitely drunk talk. Unless you want to swap spaces, then I'll help you pack ^_^

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  11. Ah... basking in the sweetness that is the bitch. Thanks amiga.

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  12. Can I get plastered with you. Perhaps then I wouldnt feel so damn miserable.
    What's that? a glass of red? dont mind if I do. Leave the bottle

    Love you Mrs Hyde. Hugs Sister

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  13. hugs hun and do you need me to sedn more alcohol your way

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  14. 4 kids, huh? My one is more than enough to send me searching for my happy place! Teens are THE WORST! They have the attention span of a flea, the hormones are through the roof, and a 'tude that makes you realize why child abuse is so rampant! I feel your pain.

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  15. Oy, men really never grow up, do they? No matter their age, they still have to have playtime with their friends.

    I'm in Philly with Jewels, so I think that the three of us should meet up one day, and take Jose on a date.

    Hugs to you, love.~

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  16. Mrs. Hyde, we want to know anything and everything you want to tell us. If you're a drunk bitch tonight, you're the best drunk bitch out there. If your hubs is an asshole, then he's an asshole cuz you said so. WE love YOU! No matter. Hugs!

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  17. Reck- Thank you, honey! Right after I finished posting this, my youngest son walked in on me chugging a shot. He'll get over it.

    Jewels- WOO HOO! Now THAT'S a hottie in a flag. ;)

    Rancher- That's how it always happens here. Shit gets fucked up and I have the pleasure of fixing it. Lucky me.

    OMS- Apparently when you're a dude, your problems magically disappear. That must be nice.

    Tanya- Trust me, Maryland ain't all it's cracked up to be. Is it cracked up to be anything? I want to live somewhere where they're not cutting the budgets for schools, police, and fire fighters.

    Mollie- Anytime, babes. I aims to please.

    Mynx- Love you back, sweetie. Stay strong until I can get there to help you kick some ass.

    Becca- In my anger I made it a point to my the biggest, most expensive bottle of vodka they had. But keep yours on standby. It might be a long week.

    Lolamouse- Teens are indeed the worst. At this point I think I'd rather live with Glen Beck.

    Kat- I'd love to have a foursome with Jose! He brings his 'A' game every time and never leaves me unsatisfied.

    Barb- Thank you so much! I'm so glad you've got my back. Love you! xoxo

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  18. Whew! That was some serious venting. I bet it felt good!!

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  19. sorry it is sucky...

    at the risk of getting a bottle thrown at me cuz i am a man....

    i hear yas sister!

    i love being a guy but we are dicks, asses and fucking never grow up...

    BUT..if...

    we have job, and are any kind of a man, we show up everyday and do it, no matter what it does to us.

    i need to drink and take vicodin to function.

    two new knees, elbows, shoulders and some serious back work would make my life less fucked.

    they are all broken.

    and that was before the big c...

    but if i had a job tommorrow and had to throw the belt on and make little sticks out of big sticks and pound nails all day to feed the fam, i would...

    no matter how fucking much it hurt.

    and then i would get rip roaring drunk...

    you are not going to change the way a man thinks and acts...

    anymore than i can change how a woman thinks and acts...

    sorry it is not going well...

    the sad thing is that kids will never see how fucked up they will be without a good education.

    i didn't and i pay the price every fucking day for being a dumbass and not getting a good education.

    cheers mrs hyde...

    there are many here that love you...me is one...i mean i am one...see that damn education thing again...

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  20. Bastard Husband.

    Alright. That's all I have. I'm crawling back into bed now.

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  21. I feel that way often. My husband does things with others he doens't do with me and my teen-agers attitude and grades are less than, less than satisfactory. I hope you didn't have a headache the next day!

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  22. Way to vent Girlfriend!!! Power post indeed! Kiwi hugs :)

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  23. Oh oh...Hubby's in trouble isn't he?

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  24. I found you through a rabbit hole that began at rancher man's wife, ( I think it was)

    You're funny. I've read about 6 or 7 posts, you are funny.

    Not for the easily offended, but I enjoyed your posts.

    It was nice to find something different. I haven't seen your other blog, I'm going to go there now.

    I liked your posts....I really did.

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  25. JM- Yes, it did. Drunk ranting is loads of fun.

    Bruce- I guess boys will be boys, huh? It's okay...I still love the dude.

    Kara- I felt the same way the next morning.

    Kimberly- I was fine the next day...this morning was a different story. Not a good idea to do lemon drops two nights in a row.

    Miss Vicki- Thanks! Need all the hugs I can get.

    Caterpillar- He's still alive...for now.

    The Empress- I have a blog sister named The Empress! Welcome and send your friends who also are not easily offended.

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  26. You could do a stand-up act with this post. Laughed out loud!

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  27. Mrs. Hyde. I applaud you for drunk bitch posting. I make it a point to not sit down at the computer while drinking lest I wake up and find some shitstorm that I've gotten myself into with my drunk ass fingers.

    Sorry that I have been MIA, but I'm about to get settled again. Hopefully we can catch up. Also hate that you are pissed with the hubs. I hope you guys have come to some sort of truce in the past few days.

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  28. On your way to Texas, you can sleep over at my place in West Virginia...I always got room for ya :-)

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  29. drunk bitch blogging..awesome :)


    is he out of the doghouse yet?

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  30. What's worse? The pain or the hangover? :)

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  31. Damn....good post. Made me laugh, made me relate. Wish I had found it when the still lived at home.

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  32. Intended to say when the kids still lived at home in my prior comment. Gee...wonder if that was Freudian?

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  33. Heidi- I'm so glad my pain could serve as entertainment for you. JK Welcome to the dark side!

    Tory- There was a truce, but it was only temporary. I'm jumping on the first rich man outta here.

    Dad- If I come, I may not leave, so be careful what you wish for.

    Blogged- He was. Now he's in again. You wouldn't have a rich brother who likes big-boobed bitches, would you?

    Jung- Hangover? What hangover?

    Rita- I know what you meant. I just assumed you left them out of your comment on purpose. ;)

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Bitch with me, will you?