Thursday, March 17, 2011


Apparently my penchant for diabetic, coma-inducing dairy foods has caused me to piss off some friends, gay and straight alike. My colon was also pissed off because I'm lactose intolerant. Neither of those facts was enough to stop me from consuming it and tweeting about it yesterday: a Chick-fil-A Banana Pudding milkshake. It was actually the producer of the best orgasm I've ever had. And all I had to do to achieve it was offend about 10 million of my closest friends. That's a record even for me.

Read this if you don't know why my mistake was so egregious.

Honestly, I forgot. That's the extent of it, really. With so many corporations giving American citizens their asses to kiss, it's sometimes hard for me to keep up with all the bastards whom I should be boycotting. You can bet I won't forget again, but just know that karma has already kicked my ass for this one. I trotted my lactose intolerance back and forth to the bathroom for the remainder of yesterday. My family was not happy with the smell that permeated the entire house. It was enough to make 3/16/2011 a day to be remembered in Hyde family history.

My stomach and I are like a guy and his schlong. We both know we should pass on those cookies, but we just can't help ourselves.

I apologize. I absolutely support marriage rights for same-sex couples. With the way we piss all over the institution of marriage in this country, I can't honestly understand how they think gay and lesbian couples are going to make it worse. It's just another excuse to discriminate and I will not give my dollars to any company who supports discrimination.

So long as I remember...I think I'll start a running list of all the asshole companies who can't have my money. Does anyone know how to make a blog button to that effect? We could add to the list as the jackwagons present themselves.

Damn...I guess I should take those paper towels back to Target, huh?


  1. There is a ton of companies I could list for you that suck. But then you would have to live the ahmish people.

  2. But, but, but... but what about the peanut oil? Surely the PRIDE community will understand the need that I must fill with a 6pack of Chick-Fil-A nuggets? That taste is extraordinaire!

  3. Crazy sad stuff. Your tummy and that company. Such discrimation should be illegal.
    I have no problem with same sex marriage. If you love someone enough to commit then you should. I just wanna come to the wedding reception.
    Feel better soon sweets.

  4. I forget about the companies I'm supposed to boycott, too! Until afterwards and then I feel bad. Target is one that I forget about a lot.

  5. Awww... Poor colon!

    Now, see, I think I may have hatched a plan. What we need to do is get all the screaming queens that you offended to aim your aching colon at the heads of the Chik-Fil-A-ers and ready aim fire.

    Everyone's happy.

    That blog button idea is a good one though!

  6. Even though I am 100% in support of same-sex marriage, I still love ya even though you had an Orgasm Shake from chick-fil-a. If people got pissed off because you did so, then perhaps they should spend a little time on the internet and research ALL the other chains in this country that support stupid crap. They might be surprised at their research. I can't believe how bent out of shape people get over a flipping milkshake. Now they can be pissed of at me, see how that works ;).

    And yes, being lactose intolerant flipping sucks when ice cream and milkshakes are so freaking tasty!! SOOO TASTY!

  7. I have an adorable gay friend who flames as hard as anyone...but even HE said he wasn't about to give up the tasty goodness of Chick-fil-a! So, if he is cool with it, then I am cool with it...and I absolve thee in the name of my supah fly gay friend!!

  8. I hate that Chick-fil-a is a company to be shunned. I support the rights of same sex couples and they should be able to show their love and commitment to one another any way they want.

    They are a super tasty indulgence. Speaking of....last summer before all of this ridiculousness (really, why on Earth they would take a stand against the same sex community I cannot imagine) I had a mouth-gasm over a peach milkshake from the Chick-fil-a.

    Sorry that you are lactose intolerant though. That just sucks....hope you're feeling better doll.

  9. Brilliant idea with the button, Lady Hyde.~ If someone makes one, I'll definitely jump on it.

    I hope your belly is feeling better by now, too!

  10. Chick-Fil-A is a Christian company and I always forget till I try to drive through the drive through on Sunday. Bastards are closed!

    I love their food and I support same sex marriage and adoption. Everyone has the right to be miserable and driven mad. Besides, gay people do not make gay babies, straight people do. :)

    I avoid most of this crap by shopping at my local farmers market and making everything at home.

    Sorry about the lactose thing. If it helps, you're not the one with the problem. Humans are not suppose to consume milk from cows. its for baby cows, not humans. I drink milk so don't get me wrong, evidently I'm a mutant....People who are lactose intolerant are actually on the right track, the rest of us have a genetic mix up that allows our bodies to accept it. or so I've heard.....

  11. Wow, you really caught some shit (literally) didn't you? You are awesome to admit your poor choice and that you forgot. You are human after all. We all are. That's what these companies need to remember. We're all human and we all can love whoever we want.

    You rock Mrs. Hyde. I hope your tummy is better today! Thank God for Immodium. I have IBS, so I know!

  12. Apology accepted, Mrs. Hyde. It's easy to forget that there are actually still people, nay entire companies (!) that still discriminate in this way. I'm surprised they event hire women (who should, of course, be home raising the kids).

    Oh, and as far as making a list goes, you could just start with anything Mormon-owned.... Oops, I think I just pissed off half the US population.

  13. Because this was all for a milkshake I think most people can understand. I say screw Chick-Fil-A and their antiquated thinking but as for you my dear friend it would take far more than a milkshake mishap to get me to turn my back on you. Hugs!!

  14. i love people that think differently than me. you know why? cuz i want them to accept me, and i do not want to be in a world that is filled with a bunch of yes men...

    that being said, i do not want to live in a world filled with people that are closeminded and intolerant.

    fuck cfa...the food is shit anyway...

    thank god it wasn't gas station hotdog company!

    i posted on this after i read this...

    you rock no matter what...
    Bruce and Tucker
    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  15. The only time that Chick Fila's christian views piss me off is when I am craving a huge ass peach milkshake on Sunday and then I drive up and remember that they are CLOSED.

    Like I said if you looked at who and what every company donates to/forces their issues on us/believes in we would all be living on a farm in Western Pennsylvania living the Amish dream.

  16. I gave you an award, it's on my blog. It's an award for being versatile and awesome, do with it what you will. :D

  17. Never had Chik-Fil-A - I must be living in a cave. I understand the desire to boycott that place, and I probably would if I went there, but sometimes a little indulgence like the shake is good for the soul.....

  18. you know . . . i've never even thought of looking into stuff like this. it's entirely possible i'm a terrible person.

  19. Such a shame to have to boycot them...the chicken nuggets are to die yum. The boycott will be easy for me now...we have no chick fil a in Ireland.

  20. I had a big ol' comment to this and the interweb Gods decided to eat it, apparently. I'm not even going to bother re-typing it.

    What did Target do? I must've missed it.

  21. OT- No thanks. I likes my 'lectricity.

    Mollie- I's a shame really. All that fried goodness going to waste.

    Mynx- I went to my first gay wedding last year. I have NEVER had so much fun at a freaking wedding reception in my life. Oh yeah, the wedding was beautiful, too.

    JM- You and me both. These companies need to get their shit together cuz I like Target's clothes way better than Walmart's.

    Rabbit- Reading your comment just made my stomach hurt all over again. You know I'm 'puter illiterate, but I think I know who to call for that button...

    Tame- I know!

    Rancher Mom- It's okay, I piss people off all the time. Thanks for deflecting some of the anger your way, though.

    Reckmonster- I appreciate the absolution, but MY super fly gay friend would kick my ass, so... btw, I voted for you in that tournament thing. Twice, but you didn't hear that from me.

    Tory- I don't know what the fuck they put in those milkshakes, but I need the recipe quick.

    Katsidhe- Feeling much better, thanks! I screw my stomach up all the time because I refuse to give up certain foods.

    Mamma- I would love to say that I make all my meals at home, but I'd be lying. I keep my kids away from fast food, but when they're not around, I sneak it in.

    Barb- I have IBS, too! We should start a support group. Shitters Anonymous or something else witty like that. That's why I just say, fuck it and carry a mega bottle of Immodium around with me. I can't win when it comes to food.

    OMS- Pissing people off is par for the course over here, so don't sweat it. ;)

    Empress- That's why I love you. No matter how I screw up, you've got my back!

    Bruce- Yes because if I have to give up gas station hot dogs, I'm just gonna go ahead and kill myself.

    OT- First Tory and now you...don't tempt me with the peach milkshakes...I've never had one.

    Rancher- Be right over! Thanks!

    Rita- You're absolutely right. If only my soul and my stomach could agree on what's good.

    Lovkyne- I don't really look into this stuff so much as I happen upon the info. You're no more terrible than I am. Take that however you'd like. :P

    Lesley- I'm surrounded by them where I live. It's like they're McDonald's or something.

    Amanda- It's been awhile, but I believe Target is guilty of the same crime as Chick-fil-a.


Bitch with me, will you?