WARNING: Laptop usage may be hazardous to your health. Recent studies have shown that prolonged usage of a laptop while resting on a bed may cause a condition known as Lard Ass Disease Laptop Edition. LADLE has been associated with serious ailments such as severe muffin top-itis,
|Make mine a double.|
|You can get a whole tub of this stuff at Sam's Club.|
and multiple chin syndrome.
|Apparently, there's a website that just gives people double chins. I wonder if they take donations?|
1. confusion over why your jeans don't fit
2. intense fear of swimsuit shopping
3. continuous chair breakage
4. the wearing of long pants and sleeves in the summertime
5. repeated embarrassing questions from small children such as, "Mommy, why is that lady so fat?" and "She's not going to sit on me, is she?" and worst of all "When is Mrs. Claus supposed to fly back to the North Pole?"
Please be aware of the dangers of LADLE. It is a progressive disease. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. One minute you're blogging away at 150 pounds, and the next you're blogging away at 170 pounds with a donut stick hanging from your mouth like a cigarette. Children are losing their parents at an alarming rate to LADLE. They're finding that their parents no longer want to play Dance, Dance Revolution on Wii. No one is playing catch in the back yard with their sons. Little girls are forced to have tea parties alone. Teenagers are cyber bullying and having sex right under their parents' noses and it's all going unnoticed.
Please. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the children.
That is all.
Has anyone else been diagnosed with this disease? Just me? Damn.
Anyway, now that the whole world knows that my New Year's Resolutions are right on target, I want to thank two of my awesome friends for bestowing upon me the LOL Award.
Somehow, Jumble Mash, and The Tame One got the idea that I occasionally make people laugh. I don't know about all that, but I am tremendously grateful for their kind words and the amazing award. Thank you, ladies! These ladies have been known to make me laugh my ass off, which, as I told Tame, is a good thing because I've got plenty of ass to spare. I usually
So even though I will not be telling you seven things you don't already know about me (let's face it, if you read this blog long enough, you will know every freaking thing there is to know), I will pass this award on to seven other blogs that I find hilarious.
So here they are, listed in the order that they appear on my blog roll (if you've already received this award, suck it up. You're getting it again and you're gonna be fucking happy about it):
A Vapid Blonde
Can U Relate?
Make Daddy a Sammich
Rants from the Hormonally Challenged
Simple Dude in a Complex World
stupid stuff i see and hear
the bitchy waiter
The Ranter's Box
This and That (As I Bounce Thru Life)
Thoughts of an Oxymoron
What? I like funny. Also, I don't follow rules because I'm bad ass like that.
If you want to list seven things about yourself, and link the award back to me, and pass it on to seven people, and notify them on their blogs, go right ahead. If you don't, you have my permission to simply enjoy the fact that I find you so incredibly, gut-bustingly funny, that I thought you deserved to be recognized.
Or you could send me fifty bucks.