Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Best of ABCM: Day 1

Approximately one year ago today, give or take a week, the creation that you all know and love came to be: A Bitch Called Mom. I approximate its inception because I don't know the exact date that I started this blog. I don't know the exact date because, well, this is what happened.

I started blogging because: 1. I read somewhere that every writer should have a blog. Sheep that I am, I signed up for a blogger account. 2. I honestly wanted to share my experience and wisdom with the world. I thought I could help people, women especially, go through some of the toughest times in their lives and come out on the other end happy. If you're not familiar with my blog The Well-Fed Spirit and you only know me from this one, you're in for a rude awakening if you should ever end up over there.

I created the Well-Fed Spirit and everything was going fine until one day, the bitch came out. PMS was wreaking havoc on the villagers and scaring the crap out of them, to boot. It occurred to me, during one particular tongue-lashing my husband was receiving, that I could blog my frustrations and unwelcome hormones away. Hopefully.

And so the bitch that you now know as Mrs. Hyde was born. But then the zen bitch felt bad about putting all that negativity out into the Universe and deleted the first two posts. Then the PMS bitch said, "Better on the internet than in my head," so I started it again.

A few months back, a blog friend Semi-True Torystellar, Tory to me because I'm cool like that, recommended I do sort of an ABCM Hall of Fame for my most popular posts. I don't remember her exact words or even when she said it, but I wrote it down so that I wouldn't forget. And I would have forgotten. I don't know how many brain cells I have left, but let's just say that they live so far apart, they only get together on the holidays to cry about how they're the last of a dying breed. I'm not going to re-post the most popular, though; sometimes what is popular is not necessarily good. I'm going to post the ones I think are the best of the best from past year.

It took me awhile to come up with the posts I think are the best ones because I think that all of my shit is gold. But I didn't want to bore you with three straight months of reruns, so I had to pick. I'll also include one or two funny/interesting comments that the post originally received. They will appear in no particular order, which means one day you might get a re-post from January 2011 and the next you might get one from July 2010. Gotta keep you guys on your toes.

Our first post is a blast way back from August 2010. It's a special post to me because it was the first time I met The Empress of The Ranter's Box fame. She's my sister from another mister and I love her to pieces. Go check her out if you haven't already. It's a relatively short one since I've probably bored you enough for one post today.

And now our first Best of ABCM post:

Fuck Meat Eaters

I just read a post by my all-time favorite blogger. Now just because he's my favorite doesn't mean I agree with everything he says. I'm not his fucking clone after all.

His post was about vegetarians. But not just about us, totally and completely trashing us. And his stalkers, um, followers just made the discussion even worse. There were racist comments, ignorant comments, dumb-as-fuck comments. It made me sick.

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are A LOT of vegetarians and/or vegans who take that shit too far. I, however, am not one of them and I get sick and tired of defending my goddamn personal decision. Bitch, I didn't say your ass had to be a vegetarian; I said I'm a fucking vegetarian. If you want to eat a big ass pile of fucking meat, I don't give a shit. Knock yourself out. But don't fucking judge me because I choose not to.

Stop being so fucking stupid. "Vegetarian" is not synonymous with "punching bag." Please stop saying stupid shit to me. No, dumb ass, plants do not have feelings, too. Yes, dumb ass, vegetarians do, in fact, give head and probably a helluva lot better than you because we know how to give pleasure as well as receive it.

This is the last time, the last fucking time, I will defend my personal decision to be a vegetarian. From this moment on, all you hypocritical assholes will get a kick in the nuts or a serious punch in the tits when you demand I defend my position. See, I really don't care whether animals are harmed or not.

BTW, fuck you.

Here's the only comment I received from that post:

Hi Mrs. Hyde! I found you through our favorite blogger The Bitchy Waiter. Like you I too am a vegetarian. That fucknugget who wrote those nasty racist comments on BW's vegetarian posts pissed my ass off. And I said so. I even wrote my own follow up blog post relating to being a vegetarian. ...You are funny and I look forward to reading more of your blog posts.
Have a great week, The Empress


Fucknugget...don't you just love her?


  1. Love her and you and I am loving how all my fave bloggers seemed to start around the same time and have all managed to find each other.
    I am not vegetarian and I have no problems with those who are ESP if I know before they come to dinner. Then I get to try new stuff which I love doing.
    Happy blogaversary my lovely friend

  2. Love the best of post. Love the intro. Love that The Empress was your only comment (love her).

    I get you on the vegetarian thing. I am not one but I do have odd dietary choices. I have not eaten any beef or pork for over 12 years now...for no other reason than I don't want to. Not for health reasons just don't like it. People get so bent out of shape about it. People have pretty strong opinions on food. Your choice is your choice. I respect it and am awed by it...I don't think I could do it.

    CANNOT wait for more of the Best Of ABCM

  3. Holy shit that was hilarious. You rant in a foul mouthed, bodily threats manner that speaks to my

    I may have already said this, since I do seem to kiss your ass a lot, I am so jazzed for the best ofs.

  4. I should draw a cartoon of you fucking a carrot that says “I’m a vegetarian bitch!” Or something along those lines.

  5. Oh goodness, this best of thing is going to be fun ;)

    I'm not vegetarian, but am sure I will end up there someday. I love food, all kinds, but if people seriously knew what they do to it before we get it at the grocery ... let's just say I avoid those stories because I'm not READY yet. I don't think I'll have a serious problem giving up meat ... except for bacon.

    I don't know how I will cook without bacon. Maybe I'll just give it all up but bacon. Anyways, I admire your choice and will give you no shit over it. Just don't give me any over CHOCOLATE ... ever. Chocolate is sacred.

  6. Mynx- Thank you, honey! It is weird how we all started at approx. the same time, isn't it? Save me a place at the table!

    Jewels- Well, actually...I did it for two years and now I'm like semi-veg, more like you. Most of the time I don't eat meat, but if I get a craving, I'm all over that shit.

    Annabelle- Are you kidding me? I LOVE to have my ass kissed! JK I'm glad you enjoy my chaos.

    Mrs. Pickle- I love the caption, but could I please give the carrot a blow job instead?

    Mustang- You're absolutely right about both bacon and chocolate. When I was strictly veg for those two years, the ONLY thing I missed was bacon. AND I would kick my daddy's ass over chocolate. He's dead, so it wouldn't exactly be a fair fight, but you get what I'm saying...

  7. i share your annoyance in regards to this topic. for me, one of the most annoying things is when someone i've known for years gives me a sideways glance to say "i'm going to eat meat now. just so you now. i hope that's okay with you." why in the fuckityfuck must i continously remind people that i don't give a flying shit ball what they eat?

  8. I'm smiling reading this. The original post by Bitchy Waiter caused a major shit storm. Man was I hacked off over that jackwagon anonymous commentor. However, all the craziness lead me to you which I am forever grateful. Happy One Year in the Blogosphere my sister from a different mister.You bring us all much joy with your amazing rants and way with words. Love you!

  9. Mrs. Hyde, first of all Happy Bloggaversary. I didn't find you till later but if I had read this one as your first post I'd have followed you then too. Brilliant post and Empress, you are one of my absolute favs also. You guys make me laugh and that's what keeps me sane. Who gives a shit if you like greens and I like red meat. Why should that matter to anyone? Whoever the asswipe was that wrote that shit should be slapped repeatedly with a huge piece of cow hide until they look like a steak. So glad I found you both.

  10. omg this was to funny. I;m not a vegetarian, because frankly all the what you can and can't eat thing confuses me ..yes i'm easily confused but i think it's great for those who are and this post was freaking awesome i love that you just told it as is. bravo now excuse me while i go enjoy my piece of baked chicken leg oh and happy one year blogging anniversary you rock !!

    Everyday Life

  11. Sweet jesus. And yes, that commenter needs to make the cartoon of you fucking a carrot - MUST happen.

  12. never caught the original ABCM. Don't you like that? Like this post is Colonel Sanders' fucking original recipe. Any way, I love it, even if I am a year-late reading it. You summed up my modus operandi in this one:

    "Bitch, I didn't say your ass had to be a vegetarian; I said I'm a fucking vegetarian."

    Live and let live. Fuckheads.


Bitch with me, will you?