I was in my bedroom, minding my own business watching a tivo'ed episode of Modern Family and catching up on my favorite blogs. I looked up mid-comment and realized I was now watching football. Not wanting to stop reading/commenting/pissing my pants, I updated my Facebook status thusly:
Mrs. Hyde (not my real name, btw. shock and awe!) is trying to figure out how she started out watching a tivo'd episode of Modern family and ended up watching football.
Hubby's comment: cause you love the NFL
Me: Um...no.
Him: how bout the basketball game?
Me: It's cool. I'll just blog about how you're forcing me to watch sports.
Keep in mind that we're sitting right next to each other during this FB exchange. So, now I'm blogging about his forcing me at gunpoint to watch shit I don't want to watch and he's pissed 'cause I'm not paying him any attention.
Tough titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good.
I need to concentrate. I trying to tweak my erotic guest post for Mynx' blog Secret Pleasures fuck-you-very-much. It ain't easy striking the right balance of sexy and dirty, and the last thing I need is to be watching hot, sweaty, athletic rich men while I'm trying to create soft core porn.
Wait. Hold the fucking phone. That's exactly what the hell I need! Recharge those batteries, ladies! I'll be back with my story shortly. I've got massive cocks to spot!
I can't wait to read what you are cooking up and if it has anything to do with huge cocks well then all the better! xo
ReplyDeletehttp://rantersbox.blogspot.com
My whole room was hijacked by a teenager who wanted to play the xbox. So now I am sitting quietly with a wine, chocolate and my laptop away from the virtual bloodsplatter catching up on my reading.
ReplyDeleteSo, how did the massive cock spotting go? Do tell!
ReplyDeleteI hate when I get tv jacked. Much like Mr Hyde, Darling Husband wants to watch sports, or a sports show (you know where they aren't even showing the sport but talking about it...wtf?) AND he wants me to watch too. He says that if I really loved him I would be interested in what he's interested in and watch what he watches. That goes both ways sweetheart.
Now, when I get tv jacked I pick up my book and start reading. He HATES it, says that I've got him on long fucking distance. Opens up the what are we watching discussion rather quickly.
OMG you freakin' crack me up. Boyfriend makes me watch shit I never want to watch! And he too gets annoyed when I'm wrapped up in blogging and pay absolutely no attention to him.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I gave you an award! Come see! jumblemash.blogspot.com
@Empress- Huge cocks are the only kind I even bother with. Every man I've ever written about was supremely hung.
ReplyDelete@Mynx- I was fresh out of wine, but I did have some rum and pineapple juice. Excellent substitute! I haven't forgotten about you. I've been really busy today. I had three cakes and 3 dozen cupcakes to bake. Now I'm going to get a glass of wine and get right on my story.
@Semi True- The basketball players were moving around too fast for my radar, but I did spot some REALLY good ones from the football game. I hate those damn sport shows! How many fucking times do you need to review one game?
@Jumble Mash- I think it's a man thing. It's no big deal if they're ignoring us for sports, but if we ignore them for any reason whatsoever, it's the fucking apocalypse. OMW to your place right now. Thanks so much! I ♥ awards!
Wait a second...you and your husband were SITTING NEXT TO EACHOTHER and communicating via Facebook? Wow. I thought things were sad between me and my old lady. You should have gotten up and made him a sandwich.W
ReplyDelete@Jacky- Do you know what you should do? You should pucker your sexist lips and kiss my fat, black ass. Go be an asshole somewhere else. You picked the wrong bitch to fuck with, little man. Run along and play now. This blog is for grown-ups.
ReplyDeleteYou go Mrs. Hyde! I love how you put silly wee and completely senseless Jacky in his proper place. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you, Empress. I'm glad you approve. I'm trying to discourage gluteolacunosity on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI think every woman or feminine man can relate to this post. My favorite is when he falls asleep before me and I'm across the hall in my office trying to write. Then the sound of gunfire and crackheads erupts from my bedroom as he fell asleep watching TiVo'd episodes of Cops at full blast.
ReplyDeleteThe bright side is - like you - I can often turn that annoyance into a spontaneous blog post (only because I don't write soft core porn - so just a blog post instead)!