Monday, April 18, 2011

ABCM Quickie

Not the fun kind of quickie, but just like the fun kind, there's no time for foreplay. Just some brief albeit semi-interesting bullshit. I feel like there should be a comma in that last sentence, but it's 2 AM right now and it's hard to give a crap at 2 AM.

Question for you:

What do people do when they have no job, no prospects, and a reserve of skills that mean jackshit? Why, go back to school, of course!

Yes, you read me right. I'm doing what I have sworn for nearly two decades that I wouldn't do even if someone paid me.

I swore that if Maxwell (pre-haircut)

was the professor and Boris Kodjoe

was my own personal, sexy, muscular lecture hall chair (I think my friend On My Soapbox would call that a seat wiener), you still couldn't get my ass into a classroom again.

Well, I've enrolled in an accelerated Ph.D program and I haven't seen hide nor hair of Maxwell or Boris. I feel so betrayed. Now, I don't know who the hell made me think that I could take an accelerated anything after 17 years of absolutely no formal education, but whoever it was did a bang-up job.

So, I came to let you know that I have a new, legitimate reason for not blogging regularly. I will try, between three hour lectures, endless research, and daily assignments where I must write 7- 15 essays, to come on here and complain about shit and comment on your blogs. I suspect, though, that I will have a limited amount of vocabulary left after I've poured it all into 7 - 15 fucking essays per day. That may be a bit of an exaggeration. The dude gives us 7 -15 questions and we must answer each with a thorough 1-2 paragraphs. Yup, smells like essays to me.

I hope professors aren't still uptight, sexually repressed bastards and bitches. My knees aren't as strong as they once were.

Before I lost my mind, I submitted a guest post to Jumble Mash because she's really busy at work right now. That post is scheduled to appear on her blog on Tuesday. Consider that my second and final post for this week, so after you stop by her place, come over here and show an absent, stressed-out bitch some love, will you?

My fried brain and I thank you.

And if any of you would like to guest post for little old me, shoot me an email. Just ask Mynx how much fun it is to be my guest.

I'm not saying Jumble Mash owes me a favor or anything...

Oh, and would somebody do me a solid and run over to The Well-Fed Spirit and tell the zen bitch and her followers that we're gonna be busy for awhile?

I've got mad love for all my loyal subjects readers. Thanks for your continued readership, support, awards, and patience. When I've completed this program, you're all entitled to either one free counseling session or one free e-download of my book.

Of course, I mean a five minute trial session or the ten-page e-book sample.

You're welcome.


  1. That is such an awesome thing to do. I am too chicken to contemplate a return to school, plus I am completely clueless about what I want to study.
    Hugs Mrs Hyde

  2. go for it i wish much luck and look forward to your future venting. hugs

  3. i thought it was DR JEKIL and Mrs HYDE?

    no i gotta callz ya DR HYDE?


    congrats, good luck,(not really needed you will do fine) and will be here there or everywhere, when you have time for me...

    mebbe even a guest post from me is in order...yeah, i think so...

    love ya Hyde!

    you go girl!

  4. *now i gotta, not no i gotta...


  5. I'm a newbie to both of your blogs...don't get me hooked on the good stuff then disappear : )

    Congrats on your pursuits!

  6. Wow, that's great that you're going back to school. Despite your reservations, you're a great writer and clearly an intelligent woman. I'll miss your posts, but I'm happy (and a little jealous) of your return to academia.

  7. That is soooo wonderful!!! I was doing MBA classes and am only one class short and the money ran out. Damnitall! but I'll get it finished at some point!!!

    Much love and congratulations!!

  8. I am glad you are going back to school.

    Don't worry about being too busy to post or read here, it happens to all of us.

  9. That is so awesome that you're back at school! If you ever get stuck on an assignment, you can come ask us for help.
    And don't worry about lack of time to blog, we still love ya and most of us are understanding, and the ones that aren't can just piss off! :D

  10. Congrats on that big move. If anything, it is blog material at it's finest. You know we love you so don't worry about not writing regularly.

    P.S. One of the wilder dates I went on was with a professor who was only 30. It was just a couple sex dates but boy were they good! Wonder whatever happened to him? So let's hope your professors aren't the old stuffy kind. More modern young ones would be much better at teaching I think. Hugs!

  11. i'm always excited for people when they say they're going back to school. i'm hoping i can get to that place. in time, perhaps. ^_^

  12. Congratulations on going back to school. If Boris does happen to show up in class then please call me because "I'll be wanting some of that"! ...And don't worry, we will be here whenever you have time to pop in to the blogosphere. BIG HUGS!!!

  13. Congratulations, Mamasita! You are gonna kick that PhD's ass! I might actually be in the same boat with you because my office is going to be closing, and I'm finding that my two year degree--even though I'm a nurse since that's all you needed ten years ago--is worthless. They all want four year degrees. So I'm fucked. We'll see though--sorry to go on a tangent about myself there.

    Best of luck, Mama dear! I'll see if I can pull something worthwhile from brain and send you an email about doing a guest post.~

  14. Congrats on going back to school! I have been thinking about a Masters-PHD program for psychology but puss out everytime. Way to kick ass, chicka!

  15. Awesome! You will be Dr. Seat Wiener before you know it! You are the only person I know who could pull that off. You have the talent, the intelligence, the determination and the humor. Go get 'em, my friend!

    P.S. That Boris is hot. He might have to compete for me with Lennie Kravitz, though. ;-)

  16. I have given you an award over at my place.

  17. I've been missing you!


    Bruce- PLEASE send me a guest post. I have an idea on something we could do together, but I'm actually going to have to schedule time to do it. I'll keep you posted.

    Annabelle- I'm not going anywhere. I love you guys too much. Besides, who else is going to tell me how awesome I am? Damn sure not my husband and kids!

    Bagel Fairy- Feel free to do half of my work if you're itching to get back in the academia really.

    Tory- Don't sweat it, hon. When I'm rich and famous, I'll totally give you the money to do that last course.

    Barb- I shoulda known you could understand my professor dilemma(!).

    Empress- I don't know how much will be left after I get through with him, but I'll be sure to save the rest for you.

    Kat- If I could get a guest post from you, I'd be both happy and grateful. Let me know if you do decide to go back to school. We can have some drinks and bitch about our professors.

    OMS- Oh, damn! I forgot all about Lenny Kravitz. Can I switch him out for Maxwell? He cut his hair now and is not nearly as hot as he used to be.

    OT- Thanks, hon! Be right over!

    Tame- I'm going to visit you today while I'm still stalling to write this essay.

  19. Dr. has a nice ring to it :-) Congrats and good luck.

  20. WERK IT, MAMA!! Good for you - and more power to you. There is NO way on God's green earth I could even entertain the idea of going back to school for a doctorate (not with being a single mom of a hooligan with a stressful job and zoo to run at the homestead). You have my utmost respect!

  21. Hi I was over at Jumble Mash and read you guest blog and thought I have to go check out this amazing woman so here I am.

    There is no bloody way I would go back to school I had a hard enough time of it first time around and barely managed to get through.

    I wish you all the best

  22. " My knees aren't as strong as they once were." Classic lol.

  23. I'm sorry...what were you saying? I'm still back on pre-haircut Maxwell.

  24. I'm so mad at myself that I'm just now seeing these last comments five years later. 🙁 On the off chance that anyone should see this, I want you guys to know that I just graduated from the program and am now, in fact, Dr. Bitch. Thank you guys so much for your support and encouragement.


Bitch with me, will you?