There's Bullshit Afoot

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You know who said that? Some bitch who steals people's shit.

I realize that I am the most creative bitch the internet has seen in awhile. I know. But just because I've got ideas spewing from my every orifice doesn't mean that you can take your pick of them without giving me at least a cursory backlink on your blog when you take my idea and do a whole fucking post on it like it was YOUR idea.

For example, last week on Facebook, my friend Micael Chadwick had this to say: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, why does my soul want to scream with every fiber of its being: 'GET YOUR OWN FUCKING IDEAS!!!!'"


When I read this I yelled at my computer screen, "I know, right!" It reminded me of a time when I did a blog post that I will not mention and then a reader did a similar post shortly thereafter and didn't even bother to mention where their brilliant post idea came from. I immediately thought of writing this post, but then life and its incessant bullshit happened, so I said fuck it. 


But then...then... it happened again. Now I'm calling bullshit.

Maybe you don't know that it's bad manners and all sorts of fucking assholeness to take a fellow writer's idea and pass it off as your own. It is. I know how hard it is to come up with fresh ideas all the time to entertain your readers. That's why my ass isn't on here everyday wowing you with my brilliance. I'd love to, but some of the shit that goes on in my brain should actually stay there. 


This, however, is not one of those things.


Every time I read an article or blog post that sparks an idea for my own genius, I make it a point to mention from whence that genius came. I expect the same respect especially if you have the nerve to call yourself my loyal reader, or worse, my friend.


Let me be clear about what I mean. I do a blog post about, say, cute kittens (which I would never fucking do) and you love it because your kitten is incredibly adorable. You make a comment and inform me of such. Next week your kitten does the cutest backflip trying to catch a toy mouse and you must blog about it. That's not what I mean. That's your cat and your experience and you're a weird cat person and I expect you to write about cutesy bullshit stuff.


No, what I mean is this: I write about, say, stem cell research and its pros and cons and then you, dear loyal reader, write about the exact same thing the very next day. And nowhere in your post is the sentence, "I was reading a post on ABCM and it got me thinking..." That's what the fuck I mean.

Unlike Micael, I don't mind if you borrow my ideas. To the contrary, I'm an attention whore and anytime someone uses an idea they got from me, I feel good. Important, even. But I want my fucking credit and from this politically correct, non-confrontational post and beyond, I will call your ass out. I will post a link to your stolen post so that all of my actually loyal readers can come to your blog and call you a thieving bitch. Or something like that. 


Don't think I don't love you though. I do. This is what we crazy bitches mothers like to call 'tough love.' I both adore and welcome any opportunity to express my tough love.


Pay close attention to the number of followers to your right ~~~~~~~>.


If the number goes down, you'll know that I have offended the perpetrators. 


I don't give a fuck.


But then, you knew that, didn't you?






On a totally unrelated note, I want to say a GI-FUCKING-NORMOUS thank you to all of my friends for sending me your love and support during my time of bullshit overload. This is probably a sad thing to admit, but you guys in my cyber world are some of the best friends I've ever had. For some reason, I don't have a lot of friends in real life...I wonder why that could be?


Oh, yeah. I'm a bitch.


Anyway...


Big kisses and inappropriately long hugs to you all!