Saturday, October 9, 2010

Random Acts of Dumbassness

I was driving down Eastern Ave this afternoon when I saw something that lit a big spark of inspiration in me. It was a man dressed in a wife beater, camo capri pants, tube socks, flip flops, and a straw hat. Take a minute to truly appreciate the visual. I'll wait.

"He looks like a dumbass," I thought, but couldn't say aloud because I had my son's soccer team in my van at the time. From the smallest spark grows a mighty flame. It was then that I came up with the idea to do a regular segment on this blog entitled, you guessed it, Random Acts of Dumbassness.

This is how it will work: I will troll the internet for pictures and/or videos of people engaged in the art of stupidity. I'll also keep my eyes peeled in the real world. Then I will post said media here for all seven of my followers and you guys get to vote on the winner.


Contestant #1: Throw Nana From the Gang

india rural gang
Yes, somebody's nana is throwing up gang signs. Don't wear red in the wrong part of town, Nana.

Contestant #2: Sex Education

school bus adult entertainment

Children, pay close attention to the way Sapphire claps her ass cheeks together and spins around the pole with one leg. There will be a quiz.

Contestant #3: Worst. Tramp Stamp. Ever.

mickey mouse minnie mouse tattoo

Come one! Come all! Step right up, folks! (damn, I didn't even have to try for that one)

And last, but not least, Contestant #4: If Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy

browsing mess

Mommy, this red one looks like the one you keep under your bed.

Cast your votes now! There are other dumbasses waiting for their 15 minutes of shame.


  1. Just realized that I AM one of the seven followers, so I get to vote, too. Besides, my husband is snoring so loud, I couldn't possibly sleep right now.
    Not voting for Nana because she's probably a victim of her dumbass grandkids. They were all, "Look, Nana! This is how we say hello in America." And she believed them because she loves them and doesn't realized they've grown up to be pissy little shits.

    School bus driver is a perv, but he IS at an adult establishment albeit during work hours. So while he is a dumbass, he is also a guy. Guys like T & A. Well, most guys. Some guys. Lots of guys. Damn, it's hard being PC. Hey, maybe it's a woman.

    Horny mom doesn't get my vote because single bitches need orgasms, too. What are you gonna do? She didn't have a babysitter. So sue her dumb ass.

    My vote goes to the party girl. Sure, she was probably falling down drunk when she had the tat done, but that will be little consolation when she's 95 and waking up every morning in the nursing home wondering why her back is wet.

    Okay, your turn.

  2. Can my vote go to Goober Pyle in the unhappy mother photo wistfully wanking off his soda bottle in front of the display of Rabbits? I think that poor kid NEEDS a vote... Or a good hard bang in the butt... Poor thing. Bless his little pimple-faced heart!

  3. It's a toss up between the bus parked out in front of the strip joint and the mother sex toy shopping with her kid. ...You however take the prize for the funniest comment re: the booty chick! Happy Weekend! xo The Empress

  4. Lol my vote also for #3
    Call me old fashioned but dont these girls have any concept that one day if they are lucky they will grow up. Imagine explaining mummy's "art" to a 4 year old or have him use it as the topic of show and tell at kindy... "my mummy has micky mouse doing stuff to Minnie on her back"

  5. @Rabbit- Right! Why the hell would you take a picture in front of a vibrator display case? For that matter, why would you be in a sex store flicking it up at all?

    @Empress- No fair! You have to choose. I'm counting votes here. My weekend will be awesome, thanks! I'm omw to piss off some more medical "professionals". I hope you enjoy yours as much as I will enjoy mine!

    @Mynx- Oh, that's easy to explain. Mickey and Minnie are "wrestling" on mommy's back. I want to know her answer to this question, though: "Mommy, what's a back shot?"

  6. i like the sex shop school bus pic, myself. not sure if i get to vote though, because this is the first time i've ever been here. ^_^

  7. Wow, I feel special! I'm one of your followers! I agree that Grandma probably is just trying to be nice to her unscrupulous, little American gang banger wannabes, the bus driver may have broken down (ha!), and the pimple faced kid is just some horny adolescent male who thought vibrators were funny (fuck, yeah, vibrators!) My vote goes to the idiot with the tramp stamp who committed sacrilege against Mickey and Minnie.

  8. @Vencora- You absolutely get a vote. I'm so psyched! I get to count eight votes instead of seven. Thanks for stopping by, tell your friends, and please come back anytime!

    @Lolamouse- I like that excuse. He "broke down". He could use that one if his wife sees this photo. Tramp Stamp should be shot for tarnishing the lily white images of our childhood icons.

  9. Found your blog through Rabbit's today. Had to check you out since we both share the love of the word "bitch" enough to put it in our blog titles.

    Since I am a follower now, I feel the need to tell you that you are the only "mommy blog" I read. I am so grateful to see there is a non-boring side to motherhood. It helps the kid side on my decision of whether I want to embark!

  10. Welcome, Holly! I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy reading my blog. I found yours on rabbit's blog, too. He is just bringing people together like mad.

    The trick to being a mom is that you can't let yourself feed into the bullshit. Moms are people, too and not merely the extension of our kids and husbands. Our thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs, desires, and dreams matter, too. You can't let yourself forget that.


Bitch with me, will you?