Study Break: Grade School Lothario

The rumors are true. I'm smokin' hot. I'm so hot, in fact, that even young guys want a piece of my a-...um...action. Case in point. I've been ogled, fondled, and inappropriately hugged all my life, so I'm used to it by now. Just don't rub your crotch against my ass on the dance floor because I will never get used to that bullshit. Most women, I dare say, have been accosted by a member of the male species at some point in her life. But you haven't been hit on, really hit on, until you've been hit on by a fourth grader.

I shit you not.

This is what came up when I googled 'mini Don Juan.' Adorable, right?

I was picking my daughter up from school the other day, minding my own business, which you know I always do, when this mini Don Juan started grinning at me. Being the bitch polite adult that I am, I warmly grinned back at him.

Why the fuck did I do that?

I basically gave DJ an open invitation to lay down his pint-sized mack. Here is a word-for-word transcription of the conversation that ensued.

Again, I shit you not.

Fourth Grade Romeo: I like your hair.
Me: Thank you!
Fourth Grade Romeo: You sure look beautiful today. (I'd never met this little boy before. At least I don't think so. Vodka tends to kill brain cells.)
Me: Aw, how nice of you to say that. Thanks so much.
FGR: What's your name?
Me: Mrs. Hyde.
FGR: My name's Romeo.
Me: That's nice.
FGR: Are you off work today?
Me: Um...yeah. (What a strange question)
FGR: Where do you work?
Me: (stopping myself from explaining my work situation to a 10-year-old) Why?
FGR: Well, I was thinking if you're a nurse or something and I break my arm, I could come to your job and you could fix it.
Me: No, I'm not a nurse, you creepy, creepy little boy. (Where the hell is my daughter?)
FGR: You wanna get out of here and go someplace private?

Okay, so he didn't say that last line, but couldn't you see the conversation going in that direction? Just give him a few more years. He'll be the president of the Future Stalkers of America.

That is all. Stop trying to prevent me from doing my paper that's due by the end of the week. I will not get caught up in long, hilarious conversations with you people. I'm on a mission here. Besides, I've been trying to post off and on for about a week, but blogger's being a little bitch.

I've got one more guest post coming up soon, assuming I'll be allowed to post anything at all on here. Thanks again everyone for your patience while I'm pursuing my dreams!

Love you!