Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Perils of a Pipe Layer
I don't have a problem with broke men in general. Sure, they're not my first choice, but if I had to choose between a broke dick-slinger and a rich eunuch, I'd probably pick the dick-slinger. Probably.
Yeah...I'll get back to you on that one.
But just because you're broke, do you have to shout it from the fucking mountain tops? Must you complain every time you're called upon to fish a crumpled dollar from your dusty ass wallet?
There was this dude that my friend had been fucking for about a month. Let's call him, Penniless. Penniless has a big dick. So I've heard. And we all know how much my, um, friend appreciates a big dick. Right? Anyway, things had been going along fine and dandy, Penniless had been delivering the goods and the mind-blowing orgasms with shocking regularity. But my friend couldn't help but notice that whenever it came time to shell out some money for say, booze or a hotel room, Penniless would complain about how much money he didn't have. It was about as annoying as a Kardashian family reunion. According to my friend.
The mother fucker stole some coupons from my friend's house, y'all.
What the fuck?
Why the hell must broke men complain about being broke? And if you must complain, complain to your fucking buddy, not your fuck buddy, dumb ass! There is nothing sexy about an empty wallet.
Do you hear broke women complaining about all the shit they can't afford? Fuck no! We put on the best outfit Walmart has to offer, our shiniest Payless shoes, and spray on our finest cheap perfume and act like there's money in our purses. And if all else fails, we get our asses out on that corner and do what the fuck we have to do. That's called survival, bitches, in case you didn't know.
Take heed, penniless man whores all over the globe. The next time a sexy bitch invites you to fuck her brains out and all that you're required to bring are the bottle, the condoms, and the schlong, and you realize that you only have $4.32 to your name, do all of womankind a favor: borrow a ten spot from your equally broke friend and pretend like your wallet is as fat as your dick.
Or get your ass out there and sell some premium pipe-laying services.